I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize