now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
