Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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