please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im having a threesome with these popsicles
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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