I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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