Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize