so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
