Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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