I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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