5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
