The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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