Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
