did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
