I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
