Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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