I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize