i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
