This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
