the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
