An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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