i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
