did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
