So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
