Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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