You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
