I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize