Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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