i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
