She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
