just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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