So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
