So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
MIDGETS
????
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
