my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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