Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
