a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize