We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
