i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
