every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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