We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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