We won't sleep together?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
