the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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