he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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