so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
