im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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