Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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