wakey wakey hands off snakey
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
