My room smells like vodka and shame
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
