Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize