oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
thus making me awesome and them whores
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
