Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
