have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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