I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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