it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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