she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
