My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
