why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
