i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize