Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
