I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
