You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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