i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
