i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
