If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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