I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
