so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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