I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Fuck appropriateness.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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