Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
