im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
