In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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