your thong is hanging out like whoa
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
