if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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