he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
