i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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