I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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