would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
