So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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