Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
