It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
