angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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