i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
