Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
