your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
