i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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