I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize