4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
