we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
