i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
