All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize