i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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