Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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