I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
