my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize