u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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