they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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