Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
