DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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