hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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