The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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