I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
