hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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