hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
