theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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