I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
