I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize