Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
