It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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