Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just invented taco cereal.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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