I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
