I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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